Two Elements
The sweet-n-soured Prince said
before good night,
"Taint everything.
't ain't every thing.
Love evolves,
dissolves the cake in the rain.
The gold ring
slips off frailty,
chokes
fattened calves."
She's warned:
goldfingers rig the gun's trigger
a 9mm snout
locked-and-loaded
the measure of gold-plated love
equals the weight of empty chambers
amorous ammo makes stardust splatter
and somewhere,
Morgana criss-crossed alchemies
draining purity
a dirty distillate only
remains of the Dane.
posted by Scheherazade | 9/04/2006 04:02:00 PM
12 Comments:
Nice. What a winding tale.
(Jilted love)?
Carried along nicely...as if riding on one of the bullets let fly in slow motion...
I'm seeing the nebulous advance of a relationship - unconcerned with formality.
Is cupid pulling that trigger, or maybe some sinister gent in Tangiers who likes to abuse power?
If love is a bullet
Then the heart
a victim
Chains of averice
restrain wings
What a treasure chest set before us
Everything from Arthur to Bond
(and McCarthur Park?)
Hi guys! Thanks for stopping by.
Just a bit of a pop (culture) tart. The story unravelled from one line that into my head.
Hope it doesn't sound too didactic. Not the intent. Just went with it.
My dear poetess,
As one who is awaiting the final okay on his pistol permit I enjoyed all playing with firearms' terms.
The twist on words of "The remains of the Dane" (The remains of the day?) is nice as well.
Hello Erasmus: yes I kind of gorged on all the cultural references--including time spent shooting a 9mm Ruger on my father's ranch. And yes, Kashiguru is included.
You got me.
"...dissolves the cake in the rain. ..."
All the sweet, cream icing flowing down?
Morgan Le Fay: my kind of woman, especially when played by a young Helen Mirren in 'Excalibur'. Mordred's codpiece notwithstanding.
Your poems ar soft green
Your poems are flaming crimson
"Guantanamera"
"Mi verso es de un verde claro
Y de un carmin encendido"
Superb internal consanance and internal rhyme. Imagery terrific as always, plus that alliteration.
Your poems are unique. Quite enjoyed!
The thoughts, the play of words, the lyrical harmony...these all add to the beauty and meaning of your poem!
Cheers
VD: what lovely praise...and in spanish too! thank you
silverm00n: I do appreciate your structural analysis. and glad i passed!
abhay: thanks kind sir
here again to read this gem.
Your work is so good, that is why some creative writing "analysis" creeped in. It wasn't meant ever meant to "grade" you.All compliments, nothing more.Hope you'll visit again sometime soon.
Hello m00n! No offense taken whatsoever; I've received some very constructive commments as well (moreso by e-mail) and I do appreciate them all;
I'm so flattered that you revisit some of these poems...that is the highest honor.
And I will stop by soon. I've been terribly delinquent b/c I'm swamped with work!
Take care.
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