repast (revised)
they fed each other spoonfuls of mangoes
the morning after
carving crescents of yelloworange
with yawning hands
pushing the plate aside
licking the spoon's belly
she is still hungry for the hush in his eyes
that blankets the small bombs targeting her sun
she hordes her words and the silence swells
encroaching on a tabletop neatly set for two
stealing the soft cotton in her voice
that spun him roundround when they first met
(she hasn't spoken in days)
he watched the brown melt out of her eyes
and darken her skin
the fruit perspires between them
her spoon idle
despite wanting to gorge on the promise
of tomorrow
but that would make her fat
so she sits
envying the roomy hips
of the one remaining mango


22 Comments:
Hi,
I regularly visit Yvaine's Starlit Whispers blog and decided to visit more people from her blogroll.
Your poem flows with lovely and unusual vivid imagery relating an everyday moment in a special relationship in a unique way. I'm so glad I stopped by your site and I'll be back!
These are just a few of the many phrases I like (and I love the entire poem):
"with yawning hands" (strong use of personification)
"Licking the spoon's smooth silver belly" (Personification and interesting alliteration)
"That blankets the small bombs targeting her sun" Wow!
"Stealing the soft cotton in her voice"
"the brown melt out of her eyes"
I liked this so much I reread it a few times on the spot!
Great poem! I especially like the imagery in the line "he watched the brown melt out of her eyes and darken her skin". That evoked a beautiful image in my mind of that event. I also enjoy how you describe the beauty of her voice, and the effect it used to have on him, which really accentuates her recent silence.
A truly dizzying poem. I am amazed at the soul found in your words.
The mixture of present and past tense is a bit confusing though. I have a problem with this in my own poetry constantly. Here I don't think it will change things much but I know it can often change a line significantly. Then again, this may be on purpose to signify a passage of time that may add depth to an already deep poem.
In fact, I think it does work that way. Beginning in the past tense and dropping into the present with the third stanza. Then back to past tense with the wonderful line "he watched the brown melt out of her eyes and darken her skin." This could go to explaining the stretch of silence.
I'm just blurting stuff out here as I read it over and over. It is a wonderful work.
Any how, was that the intention?
Chef says there is no seperation between passion and nouurisment. Loved it excessively!
Silverm00n: thank you so very much for your generous praise; it is much appreciated; I received your other comment as well and hope you'll visit again; all 5 lines that you cited were my anchors for the poem...my favorites too
Mike: always good to see your feline face; for this one the first line that came to me was the "hush in his eyes" even before I saw images...then the rest quickly followed all overnight
Ozy: Okay sir. Do hold me accountable with my flirtations with the temporal. There was actually a work I had for this--I was trying to name it. I'll send it to you when I remember. The switch was deliberate (I was even contemplating switching 1st person and third person), but I didn't want to be too "obvious" and have to mark (or mar) the poem with punctuation to signal a change in tense (e.g. I considered placing a colon after "yawning hands" and even extra blank space; but I think it works without it.
though i do hope your head has settled; I'm thrilled that you liked it (btw: kudos on "180" superspouse)
"Chef": (hope you don't mind my liberties) How true your words are. It's just that passion is heavy with emotion but fat free!
No wonder this looked familiar. :)
Still sensual and succulent. (Sorry, I'm too tired to offer a comparison between the two pieces.) This one is cogent and strong, but I loved the other, too!
My mind was in the room. All was so soft and gentle..yet something luked beneath the bed. something oh so subtle and tragic. Quite nice. Loved the spoon.
"lurked"... Drat! Damn thee fingers!
silvermOOn: thank you for stopping by.
roulette prism: always glad to see you. hmmm. lurking beneath beds and a sense of the tragic. yeah...that's about right (except never eat mangoes in bed--especially with 400 thread count linen!!!)
great stuff here! linked from the wet poems anthology, from cecilia's blog...can i link to your blog from my blog?
blindelephant.blogspot.com
also, how do i join the wet poems anthology? sounds like fun!
drop me an email: jspirit_00@hotmail.com if it is possible to join.
peace
hello csperez! thank you for visiting and for the link. i've been wanting to see a male voice on WP. i'll drop you an email and look forward to checking out your blog!
(Nice. I found myself thinking of...)
This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
- William Carlos Williams
So good to see you Batocchio!
Yes. That is one of my favorite WCW poems. He is an idol for me. Such delicious simplicity. I love that about his voice.
And thank you. I wasn't consciously thinking of WCW when I first wrote this. A little too self-absorbed these days. But I am tremendously flattered.
Lovely images.
Thank you "e."
And glad that you stopped by.
Hi scheherazade, I have read this several times and enjoyed it immensely. So much great imagery and unique word choices, I find it captivating. Take care,
Bob
Privet,
I feel completely new to the world of poetry after this long break nevertheless the beauty of your poems just gets better and better...
Thank you so much Yasmin for your kind words..
cheers!
Bob: i'm so encouraged to hear that! thank you for the repeat visits
Abhay: Welcome back! You were missed.
CAnt wait for it to reach banquet size! So much to digest and devour :-)
Cheers
Glenn
you know, you're not the first to suggest i let some of these poems evolve. that i cut them off too short.
glad you enjoyed it, nonetheless
Scheherazade,
You do not cut them short...they cut themselves. They've a life of their own. Trust it. Your muse, in today's economy, will suffer for it if you make her work past the end of her shift. :>)
PoetryMan: thanks for your advice... a valuable lesson in the economics of poetry!
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